Fish’s Totally Unqualified AstroForecast 7th July 2025

Week of July 7, 2025 – Celestial Mayhem & Mid-Range Hangovers

Alright, space weirdos. Fish here again—your trusty ale prophet, sock whisperer, and part-time spiritual guide at the Croydon Lawn Bowls Club. This week the stars are acting like they’ve had three pints and lost their phone in a beer garden. Which is to say: things are looking promising.

Let’s open the sock drawer of destiny and see what’s inside (spoiler: it’s mostly lint and regret).

♈ Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19)

Planetary Mood: Like a hungover goat in a trampoline park
You’re feeling bold. Possibly too bold. There’s a fine line between “leadership” and “accidentally starting a pub-wide conga.” Watch Monday—it comes in fast and ends with someone’s nan quoting Nietzsche.

Lucky item: A forgotten kebab skewer that now grants minor wisdom.

♉ Taurus (Apr 20–May 20)

Planetary Mood: Like a tractor slowly crushing anxiety
You’re steady this week, which is code for “everyone dumps their drama on you.” Set boundaries. Unless it’s about biscuits—then absolutely get involved.

Fish says: Wednesday’s your power day. Avoid barbers, embrace chaos.

♊ Gemini (May 21–Jun 20)

Planetary Mood: Twin-flavoured goblin energy
You’re juggling 12 conversations and only 2 of them are with real people. Midweek brings an opportunity to accidentally start a cult, or at least a trivia team. Use your powers for good, or at least mild amusement.

Soundtrack: Anything that sounds like a seagull doing karaoke.

♋ Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22)

Planetary Mood: Emotionally soaked toast
You’re extra nostalgic this week—possibly due to the moon’s position or because you found your old Tamagotchi. Romance is in the air. Or is that your deodorant reacting badly to summer?

Lucky encounter: A stranger who gives you unsolicited life advice and a Werther’s Original.

♌ Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22)

Planetary Mood: Main character syndrome with sideburns
You’re radiant, glorious, and probably humming your own theme tune. Midweek brings drama—lean into it. Saturday’s ideal for a stage-worthy meltdown or a spontaneous interpretive dance at Lidl.

Fashion tip: Sunglasses indoors. You’ll pull it off. Sort of.

♍ Virgo (Aug 23–Sep 22)

Planetary Mood: Organised panic
You’ve got plans, backup plans, and a full emotional audit spreadsheet. Trouble is, the universe is currently operating under “chaos bingo.” Adapt, improvise, and maybe scream into a cushion.

Fish says: If you alphabetised your spice rack again, we need to talk.

♎ Libra (Sep 23–Oct 22)

Planetary Mood: Sweet, sassy, and surrounded by people asking you to mediate their dog’s custody
Everyone wants you to pick sides. Pick yours. Preferably one with snacks and no group chats. Romance possible Thursday. Or heartburn. Possibly both.

Lucky number: 2, but only if it’s undercooked.

♏ Scorpio (Oct 23–Nov 21)

Planetary Mood: Haunted detective energy
You’ve got secrets. So does everyone else. You’re just better at weaponising yours. This week you’ll uncover something juicy—just make sure it’s not your own diary from 2014.

Power move: Slow head turn during dramatic moments.

♐ Sagittarius (Nov 22–Dec 21)

Planetary Mood: Wild optimism with chaotic punctuation!!!
You’re ready for an adventure, and you’ll find one—probably on the night bus or at a suspicious new kebab van. Embrace the unknown. Or at least give it a polite nod.

Lucky talisman: An unclaimed sock with mysterious stains.

♑ Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 19)

Planetary Mood: Hardcore focus with secret whimsy
You’re getting things done, but your inner child wants a snack and a nap. Listen to it. Especially on Friday when someone tries to book you into something “fun” that smells like networking.

Fish recommends: Say “no” more this week. Especially to things involving clipboards.

♒ Aquarius (Jan 20–Feb 18)

Planetary Mood: Disruptive wizard energy
You’re vibing on a different frequency again, and it’s picking up dog whistles and alien jazz. Lean in. Midweek brings a wild idea that could either save the world or mildly annoy your aunt.

Clothing warning: Avoid anything “experimental” made of mesh.

♓ Pisces (Feb 19–Mar 20)

Planetary Mood: Deep fried dreamscape
You’re tuned in to emotions, signals, and possibly the smell of biscuits from three streets away. Expect dreams with messages. Or just weird hats. Either way, write it down.

Lucky phrase: “I swear the lawn bowls whispered back.”

🪐 FINAL COSMIC WORD FROM FISH:

This week, the sky is basically a soap opera written by mildly intoxicated raccoons. Trust your gut, protect your socks, and if someone offers you “moon-infused jam” from a tote bag—walk away quickly but politely.

Until the next orbit,
– Fish 🍺🎳🧦