🐟 Fish’s Totally Unqualified AstroForecast 28th July 2025

Week of July 28, 2025 – Mercury’s in Reverse and So Is My Lawn Mower

Fish here—Sockman’s ale-slurping oracle of the stars. This week’s cosmic forecast is like finding out your favourite band is doing a jazz-fusion opera in a garden centre: confusing, slightly unhinged, and oddly moving.

♈ Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19)

Planetary Mood: Elbow-deep in spontaneous chaos
You’re kicking the week off like a goat on a trampoline. Enthusiastic but questionably stable. By Wednesday you’ll want to fight a printer. Take a walk instead. Possibly through someone else’s garden.

Lucky incident: Mistaken identity at the post office leads to new friendship and free mints.

♉ Taurus (Apr 20–May 20)

Planetary Mood: Proud tortoise in a heatwave
You’re sticking to your guns, your plans, and probably your furniture. The stars say relax, but your to-do list says cry. Choose neither—go lie in a park and aggressively do nothing.

Fish tip: You don’t have to reply to that email. Ever, if you play it right.

♊ Gemini (May 21–Jun 20)

Planetary Mood: Disco ball with commitment issues
You’re charming, chaotic, and possibly texting four people under wildly different identities. Be careful—you’ll nearly double-book yourself into a spontaneous poetry slam and a tax audit.

Spiritual snack: A lollipop from a stranger with wild eyes and good intentions.

♋ Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22)

Planetary Mood: Teacup full of emotion and marmalade
You’re sensitive, soulful, and on the verge of writing a dramatic note to your neighbour about their bin habits. Hold fast. Friday brings clarity or at least a decent nap.

Fish says: If you must cry, make it at sunset near a large body of water while holding a lemon tart. For drama.

♌ Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22)

Planetary Mood: Fireworks factory on sale
It’s Leo season, baby. Your charisma could power a small seaside town. Use it responsibly—or don’t, and end up DJing an accidental wedding. Either way, you’re shining so bright the stars are wearing sunglasses.

Lucky sound: Applause. Real or imagined.

♍ Virgo (Aug 23–Sep 22)

Planetary Mood: Spreadsheet with feelings
You’re holding things together like a single paperclip in a hurricane. Respect. But also, maybe stop micromanaging your own dreams. Let one go off the rails and see where it ends up. It might be glorious. Or just damp.

Warning: Do not alphabetise your sock drawer again. That’s just avoidance.

♎ Libra (Sep 23–Oct 22)

Planetary Mood: Suspiciously balanced on a seesaw of nonsense
You’re trying to be fair in a world that’s playing chess with cereal. Midweek, someone asks your opinion—don’t give them the polite one. Give them the real one. Then run.

Cosmic nudge: Your aura is glowing teal. Don’t ask me how I know.

♏ Scorpio (Oct 23–Nov 21)

Planetary Mood: Locked vault filled with conspiracy theories
You’re mysterious, intense, and may or may not have memorised someone’s entire internet history. Put that focus to good use—perhaps plotting revenge, or finally decluttering your sock drawer like a psychological power move.

Fish tip: Channel your rage into competitive bowls. Or interpretive dance.

♐ Sagittarius (Nov 22–Dec 21)

Planetary Mood: Windchime in a thunderstorm
You’re feeling adventurous, spontaneous, and mildly allergic to responsibility. Great! But don’t make any decisions involving tattoos, exes, or investing in your mate’s “AI-run ferret sanctuary.”

Lucky philosophy: “If you can’t explain it in a pub, it’s probably nonsense.”

♑ Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 19)

Planetary Mood: Granite statue with a well-hidden soft centre
Work’s been relentless, but so are you. This week you realise you’ve been managing everyone else’s nonsense and forgot to water your own soul. Take time. Have a pint with yourself. Make eye contact with a cow.

Fish says: Emotion is not weakness. Especially when channelled into 80s power ballads.

♒ Aquarius (Jan 20–Feb 18)

Planetary Mood: Idea tornado with sandals
You’re electrified by something this week—maybe a cause, maybe a toaster. Either way, you’re wired and inspired. Just don’t forget to hydrate and interact with humans occasionally.

Cosmic warning: Avoid online forums after midnight. Especially ones about aliens and cucumbers.

♓ Pisces (Feb 19–Mar 20)

Planetary Mood: Daydream with WiFi
You’re dreaming again. Beautiful. Confusing. Terrifying if you’re the one who has to follow up on that wild idea about a “sock-themed indie musical.” Still—something you imagine this week could be magic. Or mildly illegal. Tread carefully.

Lucky moment: Someone sings your name accidentally. It’s a sign.

🪐 FINAL COSMIC WORD FROM FISH:

The stars are tangled, my socks are inside out, and someone’s definitely hexing the WiFi again. Walk weird, love big, and bowl like the moon’s watching.

Slightly buzzed but eternally wise,
– Fish 🍺🧦🎸